This morning I am faced with what seems like a lifelong unanswered question of mine. Even though I have thought about this question in many contexts over the years, today there is a Spirit-led desperation in my soul that demands I start finding some answers. Why? Well, because it is time to figure out what holds me back from wholeheartedly pursuing God’s call on my life. Simply put, “Why has it been so hard to do what God has asked me to do?” Feeling a bit like the apostle Paul here as I struggle within to do that which I know I should be doing. (If you have no idea who or what I’m talking about, please check it out for yourself in Romans 7:15).

So, back to the dilemma: The struggle is real and I need to know why. From a scriptural standpoint, I fully understand and recognize the spiritual battle we are all in the middle of. I could go on about this topic for pages because it is critical to our understanding of this life, but I’ll keep the explanation short. So, our culture is quite familiar with the concepts of good vs. evil and darkness vs. light. What most people understand is what Hollywood portrays – evil exists, but there is a “greater good” or “higher power” that usually triumphs in the end. Well, in reality it goes much deeper than that. What it really boils down to in the end is True Light- the Lord vs. true darkness-Satan, the enemy of our souls. And regardless of one’s belief in or recognition of Satan as the deceiver of souls, the spiritual battles he participates in are real and so is the struggle! The enemy has one goal, to steal, kill and destroy. (John 10:10) Please don’t think that any one of us is exempt. He is one of the biggest reasons for humanity’s overly busy, self-seeking and unsettled state. It is all part of his plan.

As believers in Christ, we know the enemy cannot destroy our souls-they rest peacefully in the eternal Hands of our Father. However, if the enemy cannot destroy us or cause us to self-destruct, he can certainly cause us to self-distract! He knows if he can keep us busy, our eyes will be on the things of this world and not on the things of God! Why is that a problem? Because, “this world is fading away, along with everything that people crave. But anyone who does what pleases God will live forever”! (1 John 2:17 New Living Translation) And herein lays one of the answers to my lifelong question. “Why has it been so hard to do what God has asked me to do?” Distractions!

If I am honest, I can take a look back through my life, and see so clearly that every wrong road taken and every crisis point reached was due to some type of distraction. Whether I was distracted by my selfishness, my pride, my friends, my lack of trust, a boyfriend, a girlfriend, whatever it was at the time-distraction was responsible for many of my depraved decisions!

And this discovery leads me to yet another question, “Why was I completely derailed by my distractions?” Distractions are part of everyday life, so how was it that many of my past distractions totally consumed me and drastically altered my actions? I’d like to think that the inexperience of youth played a huge role in my derailing, and to some extent I know it did. But what the heck is my excuse now!!?? Youth has long since passed me by and I’m still being derailed by distraction. But now, the distractions are legitimate and absolutely necessary! Right?

It’s funny and yet somewhat tragic, how distractions can be subtly disguised as legitimate items on the to-do list. I’m sorry, but who came up with this idea that the grass has to be cut every single weekend? Or that you have to have Netflix to avoid missing out on every single episode of every show, EVER! Or that your kids have to be involved in every single sport and extra-curricular activity if you want to qualify as one of the “good moms”. Well, I’m here to tell you, I will happily go on the “bad mom’s” list if it means I get to have real relationships with my kids! Especially if it means I get to invest in their spiritual lives in a way that soccer does not!  Plus, I get to have a home with less stress and a family with more time together? Sign me up! Don’t get me wrong, there is a time and place for extra things in life, but lately, for our family, those extras are coming at a cost that I am no longer willing to pay!

This year I have felt busier than ever, and that my life is being controlled by lists, not love. There is so much to do that the lists have become my daily go to and my determiner of how useful I am. What a joke! When I finish the things on the list I feel accomplished and unstoppable (but let’s be honest, the list is never finished-so how often am I actually feeling good about my day?! Yah, next to never!) So God has shown me something this year about the constant distraction of the list.

First He showed me that there is nothing wrong with lists-they keep us motivated and on track. The problem arises when the lists, instead of the Holy Spirit, dictate the direction of our lives! He showed me that my lists are crowding Him out. That I am spending too much of my time on things that don’t matter (unfortunately that didn’t include the laundry). And worse, I am not managing my life with eternity in mind. Talk about a wake-up call! Truthfully, I have known about this issue for a long time, but I have never felt deep down in my soul that something absolutely had to change and quick! This morning, I feel it.

Something else is calling for my time and attention. Something so much bigger than Facebook and friends. Bigger than chores and even “church”. Bigger than who I am and what I am capable of doing on my own. It is something that requires me to start derailing my distractions instead of allowing my distractions to derail me! I have a feeling that there are some daily disruptions keeping me from my Best Yes life! But that’s a blog for another day!